Have you ever been heartbroken? Maybe not in the general sense where you’ve lost a person or some physical thing — but perhaps heartbroken over the loss of a metaphysical aspect to your life? Time, space, surety, identity, etc.,? If not, feel free to stop reading here- but I’m willing to bet you have.
Recently I was asked how I would “…get over a bad relationship that had taken up a long time of…,” my life. Well, first let me start with an honest response: I have never been in a broken relationship that lasted long enough for me to experience the sensation of lost time. I, since rather young, have been very decisive for some reason when it came to men hurting me. If you treated me badly, I was done. Its just how I’ve always operated in my love life.
I have definitely stuck around for much longer than I should have in other areas of my life. In both situations, we are experiencing a similar pain: the feeling we WASTED ourselves on something not MEANT for us.
I might not be able to tell you what I would do to get over a person, but I most certainly have the understanding necessary to tell you how to get over a sense of loss in identity and time.
First, you have to admit where you are and accept it. In fact, if you read through the 5 stages of grief- this is the last one. This is the peak, and its what you must move forward from.
People will tell you to think positive, and sure this is true..But they don’t give you the important bit- which is HOW.
Heres what I’m leading up to: In order to get over your grief (in whatever aspect of your life this may be) you must look to yourself. You’ve had all of these 5 stages to mourn, now its time to focus on you.
Instead of focusing on getting over THEM, focus on investing in YOU.
You are the one who has worked, learned, cried, experienced..EVERYTHING necessary to bring you this far in life. Its time you acknowledge this and start doing something to propel yourself past this and on to something greater (do not mistake this for trying to replace what you have lost- this does NOT work).
What are your goals for the future? What are daily steps you can take to get you there? What are daily habits you can incorporate into a portion of your day to help you execute these steps?
This is the way you identify how you need to invest in yourself.
For me, something I realized is that I have to be “good” so that I can be good to YOU. Self-care is something I have to work at every day in order to function properly in life. Now, I try to get more sleep (I’m still terrible at this), I use a planner, I set daily goals, I have a de-stress routine, I journal (recently I’ve switched to blogging), and I aggressively try to learn things that will make my future look brighter.
The few things I do and have listed above might not be what you need (everyone has a different need that has to be filled in order to consider it an investment..). However, I have provided the questions above to help you determine what those necessary investments might be for you.
Please understand that at the end of a day spent working on yourself, you won’t EVER feel that you’ve made a bad investment in something or lost a metaphysical aspect to your life- this is because what you’re investing in IS your life.
Its this simple: Like with any monetary investment- the more time, effort, money., etc., you put into increasing your quality is only going to raise the value of the product (thats you!)… In no way can this method effect your process negatively.
I’m not going to BS you: You canNOT just get by with positive thinking.
You have to work at it, you have to feel it, and you have to want it.
So: don’t just think positively- FEEL positively…and do whatever it takes to ensure that sensation for your present and future here on this Earth.