“Show me something natural, like ass with some stretch marks.”
Thats how much I weighed myself to be nearly four days ago.
When I stepped on the scale, my heart leapt into my throat. Everything in me wanted to jump on my bike and ride until somehow that number magically dropped to my usual fluctuating 135-140. Tears swelled in my eyes, and panic filled what I thought to be my newly inflated stomach.
As a little girl, I was classically trained in ballet- which also means I was classically trained to overanalyze my body and all of its imperfections.
I took a deep breath, then immediately ran to the bathroom to do just that- point out every piece of myself in which I craved to thin.
Are my arms jiggling more?
Is my butt not perky?
Oh my god, is my stomach poochy?
Images of those skinny wasted women, and big booty girls ran through my mind. Thats what a “10” is supposed to look like, right?
Not to say these women aren’t beautiful (believe me, they are, or else they wouldn’t appear so much on the social media).
Its okay to fluctuate a little.
Looking at this situation rationally, I changed a lot of my habits in order to boost my grades during finals. Instead of sleeping a regular amount, I only got about 2 hours of rest a night. And rather then running around and hanging out with friends, I was sitting alone to study all day.
I know activity needs to be burned into your schedule, however, I realized I could not afford that time. If I wasn’t busy studying, I had to nap.
Whats messed up, though, is how dramatically a five-pound jump for ONE WEEK had me doubting my beauty, even though I’m still at an extremely healthy weight for my height (5’8″).
Its okay to naturally change body weights.
Besides, stretch marks kind of look like lightning.
If I have lightning in my hips, you know my moves are fire.
(also, this song is great. enjoy).