Show Me Something Natural

“Show me something natural, like ass with some stretch marks.” 

146 pounds.

Thats how much I weighed myself to be nearly four days ago.

When I stepped on the scale, my heart leapt into my throat. Everything in me wanted to jump on my bike and ride until somehow that number magically dropped to my usual fluctuating 135-140. Tears swelled in my eyes, and panic filled what I thought to be my newly inflated stomach.

As a little girl, I was classically trained in ballet- which also means I was classically trained to overanalyze my body and all of its imperfections.

I took a deep breath, then immediately ran to the bathroom to do just that- point out every piece of myself in which I craved to thin.

Are my arms jiggling more?

Is my butt not perky?

Oh my god, is my stomach poochy?

Images of those skinny wasted women, and big booty girls ran through my mind. Thats what a “10” is supposed to look like, right?

Not necessarily.

Not to say these women aren’t beautiful (believe me, they are, or else they wouldn’t appear so much on the social media).


Its okay to fluctuate a little.

Looking at this situation rationally, I changed a lot of my habits in order to boost my grades during finals. Instead of sleeping a regular amount, I only got about 2 hours of rest a night. And rather then running around and hanging out with friends, I was sitting alone to study all day.

I know activity needs to be burned into your schedule, however, I realized I could not afford that time. If I wasn’t busy studying, I had to nap.

Whats messed up, though, is how dramatically a five-pound jump for ONE WEEK had me doubting my beauty, even though I’m still at an extremely healthy weight for my height (5’8″).

Its okay to naturally change body weights.

Besides, stretch marks kind of look like lightning.

If I have lightning in my hips, you know my moves are fire.



(also, this song is great. enjoy).

I Was Right

Currently, I’m sitting in my university’s library bouncing to the tune of none other than The Arctic Monkey’s “Why’d You Only Call Me You’re High.”

“Now it’s three in the morning,
And I’m trying to change your mind,
Left you multiple missed calls
And to my message you reply.
Why’d you only call me when you’re high?
Why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

I can’t help but think of what the person on the other side of the line is feeling. Why are you calling? What do you need? Are you so messed up that somehow your mind wandered to  me even though it never traveled so far when you were sober?

These lyrics, in the the most twisted way bring me so much pleasure. I can’t help but smile, and it’s horrible.





We all go through it:

That moment in the middle of the night, where your phone lights up with an old name that you’ve managed to shove away from your precious heart. But somethings different this time: Rather than searching for a glimpse of the future with this person somewhere between the lies and promises, you find a deep and gratifying sense of triumph.

You’ve made it.

And you did it- even though they said you never would.

You’re over it.

You’ve moved on.

…And you were right.

You’ve found the happiness they said they couldn’t give you due to its lack of existence.

Oh really?




Unusually Sappy

So, this post is going to be unusually sappy compared to most in the past.

But honestly, I have an aching realization that is sitting in my chest that is grumbling and waiting to creep out to share itself with someone.


No one?

…whomever may read- I suppose.

I read something a while ago that detailed how people are indeed placed in our lives for a reason- which sure, sounds cliché as everything- but it really hit close to home (another cliché…I’m so corny).

Several times throughout this year, I’ve watched people float in and out of my life ever-so-easily…All while managing to leave some form of an imprint on my heart. But then there are those that come into my life to simply share their time for only a brief moment, or in contrast- those who have stayed sturdily by my side through everything.

But the significance of those who have stuck around is no grander than those who have not.

The specific article I read used the: “Reason, a season, or a lifetime” quote to further what all of this means .

Sometimes, our hearts, minds, and spirits only need someone in a certain phase of our lives- which leads to the feeling of them slipping away without a trace. This is because momentarily we are blessed with their presence enough to give us the laughter, the company, the guidance, or even the tears that we need. They seem almost unnaturally present, and then all of the sudden they’re not.

But why is this? 

Because their job is done.

(Or maybe me and this article are both way too over-analytical).

Either way, this view point caught me off guard with the realness, especially since these people have given me so many things I’ve needed in the past.

I’m so grateful.

But moving onto what the article said about those who are here for only a season-

(I found this one saddest, honestly).


Because we’ve all been there, haven’t we? For a millisecond (compared to our lifetime), we have the opportunity to share or be shared with these nostalgia-invoking experiences in order to further ourselves or another person. When their season is over, though, the relationship (whether it’s a friend, a co-worker, or a loved one) seems to lose its leaves and unnaturally struggle to remain out of it’s element, because it is no longer it’s time.

We just have to realize flowers can’t blossom in the snow, and water can’t stay frozen in the summer.

But we have to hold onto the memories-

Because when the snow begins to melt in the spring, it helps all the beautiful plants to grow in the seasons to come.







And to those who have been there for a lifetime, you’ve seen it all- my good seasons, my bad, and everything in between. You’ve grown me, and I have you. We’re timeless, and I’m so grateful.

Much love.



Post Winter Break As Told By Wayne’s World



The first day back on campus can be kinda rough, however it can also be “excceeellllennttt.”


Here are a few perks and downsides to the dreaded day back as told by one of the wackiest movies ever:

  1. Finally being able to get weird with your homie after a long winter break.


2. When you walk into class and the first words to escape the professor’s shriveled up mouth are: “Attendance is mandatory and late entry won’t be tolerated.” (Honestly, I would prefer a severed head over this).


3. School=The Suck Kut.


4. But theres nothing like the glorious feeling of linking back up with the squad…

5. Seeing your “Stacy” on campus like:


6. The rush of happiness when the one hot guy picks the seat next to you:


….and finally-

7. Your reaction (hopefully) when someone asks how your first day back went:





Apply These 15 Techniques To Improve Self Love

Sure, we’ve all heard it: “New Year, New Me!” 

(In fact, I heard recently that gyms rent equipment in the first two months of the new year to be able to supply to the people with that mindset).img_9287


…I’m doing something a little different- and I’m going to challenge you to do it with me.

Instead of focusing on dramatic changes in our lifestyle, we’re going to focus on our happiness.img_9262

Over the course of this month (January), I’ve made a commitment to my mind and my body that I will apply these 15 techniques (at least once) to further my happiness through self-love.

Here we go:

  1. Meditate/Pray



2. Have a favorite candle? Burn it



3. Get a manicure, massage, or new haircut



4. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers



5. Set some goals



6. Write some loving and peaceful affirmations



7. Go out with your girlfriends 



8. Start taking a class



9. Have a night in for yourself (or with a close friend)



10. Brew some tea or coffee and drink it outside



11. Create something



12. Put together a positivity playlist



13. Write a letter to yourself



14. Watch your go-to chick flick with no shame



15. Bubble bath


The great thing about this list is that not only are these fun, but they’re good for you. I know this semester (personally) is going to be a rough one- so having these small and blissful activities will be a great way to keep me grounded. And honestly, they aren’t hard- It’s just a matter of sprinkling them into my month!

Anyways…Happy New Year, Guys!

Stay fabulous, and don’t forget to subscribe in the sidebar!



Striving for Convenience

Being loved conveniently is hard. It’s a nasty, unbearable mix of emotion. One moment, (s)he is crazy for, and all about you, but eventually you’ll realize that fire is only around during the easiest of times for that person.

Basically, you catch on that…


…and it sucks.

At first, that is.

You’ll let go, in the most self-loving way. And you’ll be freaking devastated because:


But you need to realize that feeling is not devastation…Its shock. I mean, you’re awesome, right? What the heck is (s)he doing with his life if s(he) isn’t STRIVING to have someone as dope as you?


But that’s the thing.

S(h)e never STRIVED to have you. Basically, all s(he) was striving for was convenience.





I’ve learned so much from my history of dating in high school and college, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Dating around may not be for everyone, but I now know what I want, deserve and look forward to…






…And I’ll have it when it’s right because *I-


And also,


Peace out.



When We All Pull Together…#ornot

One day (if not already) you’re going to find yourself in a dreadful position.

A group assignment. 

Remember the children’s song from Sunday School?

“When we all pull together, together, together,
When we all pull together, how happy we’ll be.”



The professor will disguise this awful task with pretty words such as: “Collaborative,” and “easy.”

If you’re lucky, you’ll have one other person in the group to help you with the coffee-filled-and-sleep-lacking nights…but most likely you will do everything on your own.


You’re the guy who will show up the day of the presentation (after you’ve done each part) saying something like:


When all you really wanted was:


…But no.


At this point I can’t help but contemplate on which side of this sits the more intelligent human. The person who is actually working, or the person who somehow smarted their way out of doing any work what-so-ever..?




No more group assignments.

At least let me take full credit for everything I did as an individual and ding them for being absolutely lazy.






Person, Board, And The Waves

Recently got the opportunity to shoot some neat photos on the beach of a friend. Surfers will never stop amazing me with their natural ability to almost shift into a piece of the ocean. I was so sad when I couldn’t get the rear cap off of my 300 lens because of how sick it would’ve been to catch that dynamic relationship between a person, a board, and the waves. Oh well, next time.
For now, my distant action shot will have to do.






The time of year is approaching where Walmarts around the nation will be newly supplied with freshman-dorm necessities and back-to-school check-lists. But along with these lists and uncomfortable futons, this time of year brings on a shift in everyone’s life.

For some reason, I’ve always held a grudge with Autumn. Whether it’s because I have to watch my friends leave for school, throw on an unflattering sweater, or readjust to a new schedule, I always seem to blame it on the time of year.

This particular round, though, I may be facing some crazy changes myself. I’m incredibly excited, but along with this I’m also quite nervous. From transferring to a new university, to traveling alone, there are many things in stock. But, just like any other year that I go through this, I’m reminding myself of the constants in my life.

My constants?

Well, these are the nouns (people, places, or things, for those of you who don’t remember) in my life that always stay put and help me remain grounded.

My constants include my family, God, my close friends, and the ocean.

While the ocean may seem like such an obscure constant, let me tell you:

There is no where else in this world that I can go, be silent, and soak up such an untouchable amount of joy.

Truthfully, I find that it’s almost a cleansing experience.

Hand Shells

“Get yourself grounded and you can navigate even the stormiest roads in peace.”
Steve Goodier

So, throughout all of the upcoming alterations in my life (which hopefully includes a sum total of zero futons) I will hold my constants near.